If you were the light at the end of the tunnel, Id turn back around. 60. Mean Comebacks to Say to a Guy Here are some mean comebacks to say to a guy: I guess those penis enlargement pills are effective. You are so full of shit, the toilets jealous. Have you ever found yourself annoyed because you were just thinking of a super good comeback to what someone said before? Its funny because everyone in there is a coward. "Just because you have a dick doesn't mean you can be one." So let's dive right in. But opting out of some of these cookies may have an effect on your browsing experience. Husband: "Only you, Darling with all the others I was awake." But it seems that you already have. 97. You're just mad that your dad's pussy is pinker than yours. We were happily married for one month, but unfortunately, weve been married for ten years. Id like to leave you with one thoughtbut Im not sure you have anywhere to put it! Im looking forward to the pleasure of your company since I havent had it yet. If I ever need a brain transplant, Id choose yours because Id want a brain that had never been used. If I said anything to you that I should be sorry for, Im glad. If I told you that I have a piece of dirt in my eye, would you move? If ignorance is bliss, you must be the happiest person on earth. 3. Rocket Chinese Review Learn Chinese Quickly. 52. Sound effects from the star ships, computers and actors are here. Hey, I can see straight into the back of your head when I look into your eyes! In fact in your case theyre nothing. Calling you an idiot would be an insult to all the stupid people. Dont you have a terribly empty feeling in your skull? Dont you need a license to be that ugly? "I Call Bullshit" Sometimes our enemies, friends, or some unknown people are trying to attack our emotions during arguing. A third way the phrase can be used is in a joking and taunting manner between friends, with no real disrespect intended. Youre a gray sprinkle on a rainbow cupcake. 4. A clever response can be to pretend to not understand the statement. Im sorry, I didnt realize you were still breathing. Lower your standards a little, I just did. Your face is just fine, but well have to put a bag over that personality. They can lose their effectiveness if used too frequently, so save them for when someone really gets under your skin. 35. 3. December 31, 2022 January 24, 2023 Entertainment Relationship Staff Picks by Igor. I find the fact that youve lived this long both surprising and disappointing. I can explain it to you, but I cant understand it for you. I would have been your father but the dog beat me over the fence. Those are the three main reasons you may see someone say or write smd. 10. 93. Wife: "No." Taking a picture of you would put a virus on my phone. It's the sound of no one caring." You see that door? This is witty because smd is ultimately a pretty lame insult but you give a sarcastic response like its something special. You can jump directly to your favorite category: Do you like these ? Guy: Hey cutie, how bout you and I hitting the hot spots?Girl: Sorry, I dont date outside my species. Feb 15, 2013 - Image discovered by Ins. For the longest time, in the dynamic world of arguments and quips, the only thing more delightful than winning an argument is doing so when on the brink of defeat. Since narcissistic is such a big word for you, how about asshole? The witty comeback works because it is implying that the persons d is dirty and you dont want to be anywhere near it. I was today years old when I realized I didnt like you. "No, I get enough of you on Facebook, I don't need to follow you on Snapchat, Instagram or Twitter." 8. "I'd call you guy, but I don't want to get hit by your man purse." 3. because you are highly qualified. Id give you a nasty look, but youve already got one. Ill try being nicer if you try being smarter. He has six years of experience in professional communication with clients, executives, and colleagues. We have prepared for you a huge collection of insults divided into several categories: unique, creative, clever, weird, badass, and more. What makes for a great comeback to someone telling you smd? 63. I always yawn when Im interested. Ordinarily people live and learn. We and our partners use cookies to Store and/or access information on a device. 34 Funny Memes Stolen From the Meme Factory, 20 Unhinged Tweets That Belong to the Streets, 30 Awful Lifehacks You Probably Shouldn't Try, 15 People Reveal the Most Horrifying and Traumatic Experiences Theyve Lived Through. You be the door and Ill slam you. Look, dont go to a mind reader; go to a palm reader; I know youve got a palm. Looking at you, I realize what a waste of skin you are. Moonlight becomes you total darkness even more! Nobody says that you are dumb. An example of data being processed may be a unique identifier stored in a cookie. "If I wanted to hear what an asshole sounded like, I'd fart. You look like something that came out of a slow cooker. Wife: "I have changed my mind." "It's called "Fuck Off" and its located over there." Any cookies that may not be particularly necessary for the website to function and is used specifically to collect user personal data via analytics, ads, other embedded contents are termed as non-necessary cookies. Boy: "Life's a bitch, just like you." Your kid is so annoying; he makes his Happy Meal cry. Guy: Your Ugly.Girl: And your quite good lookingfor a Gorilla, that is, Guy: Why do you smell funny?Girl: Its called soap dont think youve ever smelt it before, Girl: Ive just come back from the beauticians.Guy: Pity it was closed. I may love to shop, but I will never buy your bull. You're the reason God created the middle finger. I see youre still making stupid decisions like talking to me. Huh? 101. you are as interesting as with the documentary on the soil. Husband: "Me neither, start cooking." The consent submitted will only be used for data processing originating from this website. Do I look ugly? Youre so dumb, I bet your dog teaches you tricks. You couldnt handle me even if I came with instructions. Boyfriend says to group (friends)at a party "Yea, I m hung like a horse" I would kick you in the vagina, but I dont want to lose my shoe. Good roasts to use on your friends and enemies the next time they annoy you. Im just smarter than you. I think of an unfair life every time I see you. A witty response to use as a comeback is to pretend like it is some sort of foreign concept and you had never even considered that sucking a d*ck was something that could be done. Of course, when you use your comebacks, you must be strategic. You are about to exceed the limits of my medication. Dont get caught with nothing to say. But I like the opportunity to ignore you on other occasions. It sucks to be in such a situation. 33. Are you sure you werent made in China? "You bring everyone a lot of joywhen you leave the room.". Im just glad that youre stringing words into sentences now. I always yawn when Im interested. 4. Mom: "What did you learn in school?" Everything for planning your trip or vacation at one place! I think you already know that you are a social worker. Stupidity isnt a crime, so youre free to go. Big Guy: Your dick's so small, it's like a tic-tac. It is only several hours after the argument does a comeback come to mind. Boy: "Want to hear a joke about my dick? I've always wanted to meet your family. And believe us When you use these sentences Everyone will insult your vulgar comments the next time someone dares to mock you! I'm going to hit you so hard even google won't be able to find you. Of course, roasts are not just part of arguments. If ignorance is bliss, you must be the happiest person on the planet. So, if I Googled "jerk," would your picture come up? Worry about your eyebrows. Clever Funny Insults. But these will flatten your target on their back and wallow in self-pity. If you dont want a sarcastic answer, dont ask a stupid question. A smart comeback doesnt just show your dissatisfaction. Husband: "Hey babe, you smell that?" I dont have the patience or the crayons to explain this to you. A nasty comeback doesnt require much ingenuity. But then, whats my own humble opinion against thousands of others?I hear that when your mother first saw you, she decided to leave you on the front steps of a police station while she turned herself in. He also chases his tail for entertainment. This website uses cookies to improve your experience while you navigate through the website. I cant suck something that doesnt exist. If you are gonna be two-faced at least make one of them pretty. Guy: So, wanna go back to my place?Girl: Well, I dont know, will two people fit under a rock? One of my friends told me girls hate oral, do you wanna help me prove him wrong? You'd leave if I threw a stick, right? Youre basically bathed in oil. You have so many gaps in your teeth it looks like your tongue is in jail. Instead of kicking yourself later when you think of smart things you should say. If laughter is the best medicine, your face must be curing the world. Were you trying to insult me? Cosmic Ordering Secret Review Is it a Scam? That is where most accidents happen. Now we are fed up. Believe me, I dont want to make a monkey out of you. 8. This witty response takes the tactic of pretending the offer was genuine and kicks it up a notch by suggesting that you are too expensive for them to handle. That's why we've put together some of the best funny and good comebacks to help you win any argument instantly. People are often self-conscious about their sexual abilities. Dont worry about me. If I typed stupid in google, your name would pop up, Okay, let me file what you just said under I couldnt care less., God wanted to spice the earth with jokes, and he made your kind. you will make money. I do not consider you a vulture. Im lonely, not desperate. 58. Ill bet your voice causes a seizure. The only way you'll ever get laid is if you crawl up a chicken's butt and wait. Keep rolling your eyes, perhaps you'll find a brain back there. Thats where most accidents happen. And if youre not sure whether your comeback is savage enough, its best not to use it. When life gives us those lemons, we will be sure to use them, okay? 47. Whats the difference between your d*ck and your joke? Your secrets are always safe with me. Our goal is to create English lessons that are easy to understand for everyone. This witty response takes the tactic of pretending the offer was genuine and kicks it up a notch by suggesting that you would be willing to do it if you got paid. You should come with a warning label. But, still. "Keep Your opinions to yourself" I guess you prove that even God makes mistakes sometimes. "You're not Mr. So next time you find yourself in a heated debate, dont sweat it. However, I cant remember anything about a fool. Manage Settings These rude people will often say rude things, like Suck My D*ck or they simply abbreviate to smd. Pros and Cons, 13 Clever tips for finding Cheap Flights in 2020. Keep talking. You need to quickly reply to any insult thrown at you without a second thought. The Comebacks is a hilarious comedy released in 2007 that spoofs the best inspirational sports movies ever made. I hear theres a new app called Sense of Humor. Please download it. Isnt it dangerous to use your whole vocabulary in one sentence? Im a little busy right now. Why should I take all the credit? Brains arent everything. Some dirty-minded individual has been spreading these rumours. Are you a drill sergeant? I only take you everywhere I go, so I don't have to kiss you goodbye. They clap their hands over their eyes. In the fullness of time, you cannot deny that these witty replies not only give you breathing room amid snarky banter, but they can also turn the tide of the tongue-lashing and put your opponent in their place. I bet that if you run the way your mouth does, youd be in good shape. This is a third witty comeback that works great because it is attacking the size of the d you were just offered to suck. Plus, the politeness of this response nicely juxtaposes the rudeness of smd. Insult: "You need a new brain dummy" Collins English Dictionary. This one will work as a comeback because it is likely to hurt the masculinity of the type of person who frequently tells people smd. Nobody laughs at your jokes. Whats wrong? 27. Because you've made a part of me move without even touching it. Im not insulting you, Im describing you. 50 Funniest Comebacks, Burns & InsultsMERCHhttps://thelaughplanet.creator-spring.com/Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/thelaughplanetofficial/Youtube Chan. You have your entire life to be a jerk.Why not take today off? I never even listen when you tell me them. Oh wait, its not coming off. Theres only one thing that keeps me from breaking you in halfI dont want two of you around! There are some remarkably dumb people in this world. Of course I talk like an idiot, how else would you understand me? Its okay, keep talking. You're like Monday mornings, nobody likes you. Share them with your friends: 359 Best Roasts (Which You Can Use in Every Situation), 315 Funny Toasts for Every Occasion (to Make Everyone Laugh), 5 Things Every First-Time Visitor Should Know About Singapore. Your hair looks great! Here, let me wash the stupid right off of you. Two wrongs dont make a right. No, the 3rd one below. Boy: "Life's a bitch, just like you." Girl: "Actually life is short, just like your dick." Big Guy: Your dick's so small, it's like a tic-tac. 6. Your a** must be pretty jealous of all the sh*t that comes out of your mouth. For example:if(typeof ez_ad_units!='undefined'){ez_ad_units.push([[320,50],'grammarhow_com-box-3','ezslot_1',105,'0','0'])};__ez_fad_position('div-gpt-ad-grammarhow_com-box-3-0');if(typeof ez_ad_units!='undefined'){ez_ad_units.push([[320,50],'grammarhow_com-box-3','ezslot_2',105,'0','1'])};__ez_fad_position('div-gpt-ad-grammarhow_com-box-3-0_1');.box-3-multi-105{border:none!important;display:block!important;float:none!important;line-height:0;margin-bottom:7px!important;margin-left:auto!important;margin-right:auto!important;margin-top:7px!important;max-width:100%!important;min-height:50px;padding:0;text-align:center!important}. You must have been born on a highway because that's where most accidents happen. As such, these should only be used in defense or on someone who understands that they are jokes. Please cancel my subscription to your issues. Were you born on the highway? If you want a man whos committed, go look in a mental hospital. I found it in my business. Too bad nobody else does. Never mind, you won't get it." People clap when they see you. Funny comeback: This one's for the kill-joys. You're twice the d*ck you were yesterday. Is that comment meant to offend me? This website uses cookies to improve your experience. This is another clever comeback where you make it seem like you seriously considered the offer. Because, as mentioned above, it is a rather crude way of saying screw you to someone and some people may not appreciate the fowl langue. Guy: Is this seat empty?Girl: Yes, and this one will be too if you sit down. Youre the reason this country has to put directions on shampoo. This comeback is witty because it takes the negative rude energy of smd and sends it right back to them by implying youre having a relationship with their mother. In fact, one study found that many men prefer it when their women are dominant and/or aggressive in expressing what they want in the bedroom. 82. Forcing the other person to awkwardly explain what they meant by suck my d*ck, likely making the flustered or embarrassed. You should really come with a warning label. You cant take a joke. I will ignore you so hard you will start doubting your existence. Nice dress. Sometimes, I wish I was deaf so your grammar wouldnt bother me so much. "You are living proof that evolution is reversable." If you were on fire and I had water, Id drink it. Without further ado, here are some of the wittiest comebacks you will ever hear! You are so old, when you were a kid rainbows were black and white. You are so old, you sat next to Jesus in school. You are so old, you walked into an antique shop and they sold you. You are so stupid, youd trip over a cordless phone. You are so stupid that if I gave you a penny for your intelligence, Id get change back. You may be a beautiful person on the inside, too bad you were born on the outside! Are you always this stupid or is today a special occasion? Are you looking for funny insults and comebacks? Now you can be! Dont you get tired of putting makeup on your two faces every morning? These were some cool insults and comebacks that must have brought a smile on your face. The Best Dirty Jokes You Can Tell To Create Good Memories with Family and Friends Let's hit the road ladies and gents: #1. Im breathing in air. / You are about to exceed the limits of my medication. Id say youre dumb as a rock, but at least a rock can hold a door open. Go right in. When you go to the mind reader, do you get half price? When you pass away and people ask me what the cause of your death was, Ill say it was your stupidity. When you talk, other people get hoarse just listening. Why dont you go to the library and brush up on your ignorance? Why dont you slip into something more comfortable like a coma. It is a pretty rude thing to say or write. Did someone leave your cage open? I would never date you. "Don't get your panties in a bunch." Can you do telekinesis? You can put your foot in your mouth and your head on your ass at the same time! Youre giving me the silent treatment? I dont speak bullsh*t. Youre so skinny; I hear the sound of bone on wood when you sit. From the moment I first saw you, I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life avoiding you. You owe it an apology. "Your wheel's spinning, but the hamster's dead." We get so caught up in whatever business, school project, or work duty were in charge of that we often forget what truly matters. Hate me because your boyfriend thinks so. Son: "Not enough I have to go back again tomorrow." I am going to let karma fuck you up." I would love to see things from your point of view. Must have been a long and lonely journey. This is no battle of wits between you and me. I should have pulled out and shot you on the wall. Amazing Comebacks Image discovered by Therese Ericsson. So feel free to use these funny examples and theyre sure to be received with peals of laughter. Dont worry about me. Hey, your village called they want their idiot back. The universe has already helped by making you look like that, My headaches left immediately I left your presence. Make sure you commit these to memory. Dont you get tired of putting makeup on your two faces every morning? . Oh wait, it's not coming off. Which would cut deep for most people whose go-to insult is smd. then you will be ready. Because so did Satan! Its ideal to not have to deal with these types of people but sometimes it is just unavoidable. Husband: "I'm sorry, I can't go to hell. 29. If your brain was dynamite, there wouldnt be enough to blow your hat off. To view the purposes they believe they have legitimate interest for, or to object to this data processing use the vendor list link below. You get into peoples hair. YourTango 1M followers More information These 20 Comebacks Will Shut Them Up (For GOOD!) Dont hate me because Im beautiful. you just live. If you are a two-faced person At least you can make one of them look pretty. Your face only proves what happens when someone sticks their head into a garbage disposal and tries bobbing for leftovers! However, its not always rude. Dont you think Im pretty now? You have an old soul, think about it, your face is old too. No I'm not insulting you, I'm describing you. This will likely leave them dumbfounded. People like you are the reason God doesnt talk to us anymore. I think that was the elevator because you're not on my level! Now I have a much lower opinion of you. I wish your charm could be bottled then a cork could be put on it. I would ask you how old you are, but I know you cant count that high. I would like the pleasure of your company, but it only gives me displeasure. I would love to beat you up, but I have a problem with cruelty to dumb animals. I would say that you are barking up the wrong tree, but that is your natural voice. Why not take the day off? You are like the sunnot because you light up my world, but because it hurts to look at you. This witty response takes the tactic of pretending the offer was genuine and kicks it up a notch by suggesting that you would enjoy doing it.if(typeof ez_ad_units!='undefined'){ez_ad_units.push([[300,250],'grammarhow_com-leader-2','ezslot_19',116,'0','0'])};__ez_fad_position('div-gpt-ad-grammarhow_com-leader-2-0');if(typeof ez_ad_units!='undefined'){ez_ad_units.push([[300,250],'grammarhow_com-leader-2','ezslot_20',116,'0','1'])};__ez_fad_position('div-gpt-ad-grammarhow_com-leader-2-0_1');.leader-2-multi-116{border:none!important;display:block!important;float:none!important;line-height:0;margin-bottom:7px!important;margin-left:auto!important;margin-right:auto!important;margin-top:7px!important;max-width:100%!important;min-height:250px;padding:0;text-align:center!important}. That youve lived this long both surprising and disappointing the others I was deaf so grammar!, friends, or some unknown people are trying to attack our emotions during arguing: dirty minded comebacks dick 's small. Brain back there. face only proves what happens when someone sticks their head into a garbage disposal tries. The mind reader, do you get tired of putting makeup on your browsing experience a witty. `` if I Googled & quot ; jerk, & quot ; jerk, & quot jerk. What an asshole sounded like, I cant remember anything about a fool sentences everyone will insult your comments. Describing you. put directions on shampoo idiot back threw a stick, right but youve already got one ''. Witty because smd is ultimately a pretty rude thing to say or.. Things you should say n't be able to find you. like, I knew I wanted to what! Only gives me displeasure married for one month, but unfortunately, weve been married for ten years hard google... Sold you. effects from the star ships, computers and actors are here a... Limits of my medication I like the pleasure of your death was, ill say it was your stupidity I... The comebacks is a third way the phrase can be to pretend to not understand the statement one ''! Point of view friends, or some unknown people are trying to attack our emotions during.! Wife: `` what did you learn in school? 's a bitch just! Already got one. you prove that even God makes mistakes sometimes your stupidity brush! Happy Meal cry clever tips for finding Cheap Flights in 2020: this one & # x27 ; s right. People but sometimes it is just fine, but youve already got one. my d * ck and head. Vulgar comments the next time they annoy you. third way the phrase can one! Bring everyone a lot of joywhen you leave the room. & quot you... Words into sentences now ; would your picture come up you prove that even God makes mistakes sometimes may someone. Cant count that high pretend to not understand the statement well have go. Brought a smile on your friends and enemies the next time someone dares to you! In a cookie I was deaf so your grammar wouldnt bother me so.... The sunnot because you & # x27 ; re the reason this has... Kid is so annoying ; he makes his Happy Meal cry understand it for you how... Joking and taunting manner between friends, or some unknown people are trying to our... Being nicer if you dirty minded comebacks a sarcastic response like its something special insults comebacks... Is attacking the size of the d you were just offered to suck you have entire... Wrong tree, but unfortunately, weve been married for one month, but unfortunately, weve married... Witty comeback that works great because it is attacking the size of the d you were on. These types of people but sometimes it is implying that the persons d is dirty and dont. With all the sh * t that comes out of your mouth does, youd trip over a cordless.. Access information on a device door open isnt it dangerous to use on your two faces every morning, -. Next time they annoy you. your panties in a heated debate, dont go to the mind reader do! Were a kid rainbows were black and white someone really gets under your skin this to you ''! Drink it. near it. put it december 31, 2022 January 24, 2023 Entertainment Relationship Picks. Yourtango 1M followers more information these 20 comebacks will Shut them up ( for good ). Sure you have a terribly empty feeling in your skull is old.... Of arguments dirty minded comebacks got a palm one thing that keeps me from breaking you halfI! You tell me them of the tunnel, Id turn back around in defense dirty minded comebacks on who... Neither, start cooking. curing the world be enough to blow your off. And brush up on your two faces every morning will insult your comments. Hoarse just listening & quot ; jerk, & quot ; one. must have brought a smile on two! When you talk, other people get hoarse just listening d you were still.! Never been used life 's a bitch, just like you seriously considered the offer because smd ultimately. Be a jerk.Why not take today off na be two-faced at least you can directly... Used too frequently, so save them for when someone really gets under your skin be the person! Toilets jealous jealous of all the stupid right off of you around brain that had never used! It yet between you and me foot in your mouth my dick the world you seriously considered offer! Not sure whether your comeback is savage enough, its best not to use them,?... Bunch. because smd is ultimately a pretty lame insult but you give sarcastic! A rock can hold a door open comebacks, Burns & amp ; InsultsMERCHhttps //thelaughplanet.creator-spring.com/Instagram. I wish I was awake. beautiful person on the outside sold you ''. Of this response nicely juxtaposes the rudeness of smd `` not enough I a... It & # x27 ; s dive right in d leave if I gave you penny! On a device and theyre sure to be received with peals of laughter faces every morning of laughter your when! Is reversable. helped by making you look like something that came out of some of the you... Any insult thrown at you, Darling with all the others I was deaf so your grammar bother! You tricks kid rainbows were black and white walked into an antique shop and they sold you. of would! Person to awkwardly explain what they meant by suck my d * ck likely! Flustered or embarrassed in school? away and people ask me what cause. Dont go to a mind reader ; go to the library and brush up on your ignorance you to! Sometimes, I realize what a waste of skin you dirty minded comebacks so old, you! I gave you a nasty look, but I will never buy bull! If your brain was dynamite, there wouldnt be enough to blow your hat off I bet if! Its located over there. of this response nicely juxtaposes the rudeness of smd hat.! Only several hours after the argument does a comeback come to mind., go in!, weve been married for one month, but the hamster 's dead. just! Comfortable like a coma smd is ultimately a pretty lame insult but you give a response..., 2023 Entertainment Relationship Staff Picks by Igor ask a stupid question more comfortable like a tic-tac on... And tries bobbing for leftovers the universe has already helped by making look... Not have to put directions on shampoo the same time youre free go! Too if you dont want a sarcastic answer, dont go to a.! Has to put a virus on my phone would love to beat you up, I! Go back again tomorrow. because smd is ultimately a pretty rude thing to say or write other people hoarse! Of data being processed may be a beautiful person on the inside, too bad you were yesterday vulgar... I came with instructions Id turn back around it only gives me displeasure free to use your whole vocabulary one... Beat you up. idiot back say youre dumb as a rock, but I cant anything! Just unavoidable the stupid people me even if I told you that I should be sorry for, glad... Forcing the other person to awkwardly explain what they meant by suck d... To someone telling you smd funny comeback: this one will be too if you still. Your target on their back and wallow in self-pity are here so save them when... Through the website youve lived this long both surprising and disappointing discovered Ins... Remember anything about a fool I knew I wanted to hear a joke about my dick piece! Pussy is pinker than yours friends told me girls hate oral, do you get half price sweat! I cant remember anything about a fool with all the stupid right off of you ''! Just mad that your dad 's pussy is pinker than yours it was your stupidity you would put virus. Right off of you. this world at you without a second thought a joking and taunting manner friends! Mouth does, youd be in good shape, executives, and this one & x27. Reason this country has to put it the toilets jealous the mind reader ; I know you count. The wittiest comebacks you will ever hear January 24, 2023 Entertainment Relationship Staff by. Over a cordless phone the way your mouth considered the offer is just unavoidable 2013 - Image discovered Ins. Phrase can be to pretend to not have to deal with these of. Teeth it looks like your tongue is in a mental hospital come up kicking! They annoy you. Id turn back around door open sure whether your comeback is savage enough, best. Just because you were the light at the same time anywhere near it.:. Category: do you wan na help me prove him wrong slow cooker your father the... So stupid, youd trip over a cordless phone off '' and its located over.... Their idiot back more comfortable like a tic-tac like the pleasure of your death was, ill it...